live action painting, gouache on wood

What makes a work bad for me > first, i always believed it were works without meaning. That existed but for aesthetics, or, yes, the expression. But ofcourse this changed after the first semester, thinking that true expression actually is more universal and more thuthful than art based around concepts. Sometimes, i think picasso had no idea what he was doing, but later it appeared how deep and introspective his art turned out, for example. And thus stating that, maybe that to be aware what ideas you want to bring about, only makes the art worse.

So i actually did this live action painting to show my best work, not visually or conceptually, but because its more at the core of art.

Yet, why it turned out to be my worst, is because as you try to calculate and order and rationalize your epxression and what not, it will always turn out so so shitty. In this live action painting, namely, i started with light yellow, blue and violet gouache, water and a hairdryer (like you will see in true expression part II), wanting to convey a feeling of spring. But this didn't seem to cover the whole board and it turned out ugly as i wasn't able mix the colours as pastel as i wanted. So then i came up with the idea to order the panel into areas, just going with some brown. Then it didn't resemble any action painting ANYMORE. So then i wanted to create stratifaction by trying to follow the theory of colour; first colorize the panel with dark blue, green and brown lines, over which i wanted to make white splatters. splatters like pollock. I like a lot of nuances of the same colour, but hoped to convey a contrast through having a dark background. But then the white of the splatters, coloured the colour of the paint underneath: blue and green. So then it looked even more like shit : i was only calculating and rationalizing. Instead of choosing a few colours and just go. feel.

This was a new point zero in my search of true expression, realizing that i soooo wasn’t capable of expressing.